Journal entry

This is incredibly depressing, I keep it to remind myself that I've been really really down, and nothing that happens to me can or should possibly bring me this low again. And no one is important enough in my life that I should feel my life is worthless just because of something they say or do.

I know I'm not the only one who is depressed, there are heaps of other people going through the same thing I went through. The only difference is I stopped myself before I went any further, whereas other go through with it.

Remember that one person can usually make a difference, the times I ahve felt this low I have cheered up because someone has talked to me, convinced me that life is worth living, and not to give up.

If I really think about it, there really isn't anything I want to live for. Friends, family, experiences - nothing really stands out as something important enough that I'd want to keep living so as not to miss it. Sure, there are some small things, friends who I'd hate to hurt, but nothing that would really keep me living. The one thing that stopped me last time has all but gone.

I want to be angry, to scream, to hurt, and that would help me, but I'm not. The only thing I feel is sadness, grief, losing something I never knew I had until quite recently. And in the end, I realise that it's more my fault than anyone else's.

So to anyone who's reading this, please refer it to my closest friends if you know they haven't seen it already. I know a lot of you are going to be sad that I'm gone, and I'm truly sorry for what I may put you through. Please don't cry for me, I've had some great times with you.

*joee

All content on this site is copyright Joanna Cheng 2002. Any reproduction of material on this site without my written approval and I'll throw you into a woodchipper and send the remains to your family in a cardboard box...